I didn’t start this whole relationship thing–GOD did. HE created me, pursues me and paid the price with JESUS to have a relationship with me. I want a relationship, well sometimes, but I want it on my terms and my way. I want a relationship where GOD is there when I want HIM but otherwise HE is quietly in the background waiting for me to call and when I call HE comes immediately. I want a relationship I can control regardless if that is best for me or if it even satisfies me. If it satisfied me why would I look other places. GOD, however, wants this sold out, totally abandoned, exclusive, 24/7 relationship with me. I run from it because I feel out of control, even though I am not happy in control. You see one of the problems with the relationship with GOD is I cannot be in control and have it. I didn’t start it, can’t define it, do not have the power to maintain it. When I am in it, however, surrendered and at rest, letting HIM run it–it is so good!!!! It is work, however, because I want to take the control back and then it crashes. More later . . .